Saturday, December 5, 2009


The word stamp that is to my left right now on my Emboss Resist card, has become one of my very favorites in the last few years. Let me start off this post by saying that I don't call it A Stamper's Diary for nothin.....I really pour my heart out here and if that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable, you may want to exit now. For the last three years or so, actually maybe even 4 or 5, I have felt pretty dry spiritually. I think we go thru times of loving God passionately and feeling HIM almost constantly, to times of severe drought where at times, all I could say is "God is, and all is well" to get myself thru. I blame it on menopause....cuz menopause has big shoulders - us women have been blaming menopause for years now.....there must be some truth to it!! Anyway, just recently, I have started to FEEL God again. Was God on vacation for the last 5 years. I think not. I know not. God is always there, it's just LIFE that makes us check out from time to time I think. But you know even in my times of deepest doubt and confusion, I could always say with complete sincerity, "God is and all is well." Breaking through, which I have been doing lately almost makes the drought worth it, cuz lately I have had several times of feeling intense closeness to God, almost like HE is sitting in the room with me keeping me company. This is my theory of what happens, or at least what has happened to me. Somehow, no matter how much we know we are wrong to do this, we think if we follow God, life will be easy.
Then when it's NOT easy, like things don't turn out perfectly, and everything
does not go our way, we sort of start building a wall of bitterness. I think I have been constructing this thing for years. Hey, life is hard. And I have probably led a charmed life compared to many, but somehow, I still constructed this wall that said, "HEY listen God, I tried to do everything right...I raised my kids just how I thought you wanted me to raise them, now why are they struggling so much?" And slowly~ each one of my kids has made their peace with God and followed after HIM, just like I prayed all those years, but there were detours along the way, and now as adults, they struggle with trials I would just not choose for them health wise and even in other ways......and I guess I was shaking my fist at God and saying WHY??? You know what, God can take it when we shake our fist at HIM. Remember when one of your kids said "I hate you" when they were young? I can still feel the pain thinking about it, but it never made me stop loving them and I always knew they didn't mean it. Same thing with God. HE has been patiently waiting for me to come around, and lately, little by little, I am coming around. The intense worry that I struggle with has more and more turned into me saying, "God this one is WAY too big for me, Take my child,
and turn their mourning into joy, turn their ashes into beauty, I cannot do it for them." I am learning to let go and let GOD. And isn't that the whole reason we walk this earth? To grow closer and closer to HIM? Count it all JOY when trials come upon you......HE SAYS THAT!!! WELL.....this morning I had an incredible break through with GOD. Note the FRIENDSHIP card to my left. How many of you have had a friendship where you just KNOW God brought that person into your life at just the right time and they become a life long confidant, friend, sister, companion in this journey.....I am so blessed to have this person in my life. This morning this person texted me and asked me to pray for her adult children.....and could not share details but just said that they need prayers more then ever. I felt the strongest urge to just stop everything I was doing and pray. Lord, please be with these beautiful children of yours, whatever they are going thru let them feel your everlasting arms everywhere and all around. Take them in your arms and rock them. Hold them close and tell them everything is going to be okay. Heal them. Touch them. Walk with them through this valley. Bring them up. Bring them out. Make them shine. Wrap your loving arms around them and don't let them go. Be with my friend who is closer then a sister.....give her your peace that passes all understanding. AND AS I PRAYED for this friend who I love like a sister, I felt HIS arms rocking me, holding me, and I heard HIM saying,
I am still here Karen, I have never left you, I have never forsaken you, I am waiting for you to return to me, HEART AND ALL....I will always be here.....and I wept and I prayed and I wept and I prayed and when I stood up, I felt like God was lifting me up, and I am back on my feet again, and I am saying, "I am sorry God, I am sorry I ever doubted you - I am sorry I ever mistrusted you, I love you, I am back, HOLD ME CLOSE, don't ever let me go, rock me in your everlasting arms......with renewed passion and newfound JOY, I can say and say it with conviction, "GOD IS, AND ALL IS WELL. " Until next time, remember, GOD LOVES YOU and wants to hold YOU in his everlasting arms.